Whither Charles Bronson? Used to be a lot of tough-looking actors. Even the wimpy actors were square-jawed straight-arrow studs. Now, Christian Bale is Batman? Robin, okay, but Batman? A step up from Michael Keaton, but still pretty pathetic. However, that pendulum do swing, and "metrosexual" has joined "ebonics" and "political correctness" in the category of once-meaningful terms that now only serve as tired one-liners. (Not sure it was ever anything but, really...) The new James Bond is tough enough to eat Pierce Brosnan on toast (whose name sounds like a dish in a French restaurant, now that I think of it), Benicio Del Toro is the Wolfman, and even Danny Trejo's getting leads. Not exactly Lee Marvin territory, but we'll see. Posted Monday, April 02, 2007
MANDOM FAQs
Q: did you say "Mandom"?
A: that's what I said.
Q: wait, is that the "Death Wish" guy?
A: yuh-huh.
Q: selling cheap cologne?
A: is there any other kind?
Q: did he say "the world loves Little Lou"?
A: keep watching. It gets gayer.
Q: how many pipes does one man need?
A: if that one man is Charles Bronson, the answer is "fuck you."
Q: okay, I'll admit, Charles Bronson is the ultimate man and I could learn a lot from him, but is that really the best way to discard a used shirt?
A: unless you have a ceiling fan.
Q: is it good if my cologne makes me shoot people?
A: that's really between you and your chosen scent. Pussy.
Q: is it me, or is this thing more sexually-charged than a dozen Tag Body Spray commercials where chicks climb all over a geeky-looking guy?
A: it's not you.
Q: that's an awful lot of cologne to be putting on after coming home from a night club, isn't it?
A: are you Charles Bronson? Then shut up.
Q: holy crap, was that Japanese?
A: you didn't think this ran in America, did you?
Q: how much did they pay him for this?
A: whatever he wanted.
Q: could Charles Bronson kick Chuck Norris' ass?
A: in a coma. While connected to a machine that helped him breathe.
Q: does it make me gay if I popped a boner watching this?
A: yes, but it's a good kind of gay. A manly gay. Like a Roman centurion. More Hugh Jackman than Alan Cummings.
Q: where can I get my Mandom?
A: baby, if I knew that, I'd be out fighting off the chicks. Mmm, Mandom!
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